Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
