ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
