So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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