Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
