maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Small penises have feelings too.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
