He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
