Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
