Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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