bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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