we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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