90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
