She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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