I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
