weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have aggressive nipples.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
