How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
