I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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