I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
