??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
