I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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