I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
jump out the window naked night went bad
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
