Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
