My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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