Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
