And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
