That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
