i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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