She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
