despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
