so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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