So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
