Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
