You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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