I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina