so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just high enough for therapy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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