I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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