Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i've created a new STD.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
