A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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