We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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