he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
