I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Alive.
So much puke
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
