My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
