I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
