why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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