Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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