No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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I will be naked everywhere
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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