Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
