My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
