Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
