jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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