At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
