When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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