dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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