call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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