Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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