listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
