Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
