New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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