When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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