I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
