youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
