And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
