Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
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If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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