You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
