from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
