Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
