Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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