i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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