Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
