Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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