Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
