Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
