There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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