i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want to be your penis for a week.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
