you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
