Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Even my vagina gasped.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
