Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
