I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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